713-333-4430Living With Your Spouse During a Divorce
Divorce can be an incredibly arduous experience; emotionally burdensome, financially taxing, and complex legal aspects total an overwhelming life change. However, it is just that, a life-changing event or period, and when, for most, coming out the other side of divorce proceedings, they describe it as freeing, cleansing, and the start of a new chapter. In the thick of a divorce, every decision can feel pivotal, including the decision of whether to continue living with your soon-to-be ex-spouse during the divorce process. While there are benefits to such an arrangement (cohabitating), it also presents an entire set of extraordinary and unique challenges. Some setbacks to living together during proceedings are more pronounced, like hampering or delaying one’s ability and process of emotionally detaching from a soon-to-be ex-spouse; others are less evident. The text provided below explores the pros and cons of cohabitating during a divorce while underscoring critical factors for your consideration and prioritization.
The Pros of Cohabitation During Divorce
Divorce typically ushers in financial uncertainty for both parties. The expenses related to legal fees, property division, and the establishment of separate households can be particularly burdensome, especially with rising inflation . Financial strains are often amplified when both spouses were previously contributing to a single mortgage or lease. Alternatively, cohabitating during the divorce process can offer a practical means to reduce living expenses and alleviate some financial pressure. You effectively lessen some financial burdens by sharing costs, e.g., rent or mortgage, utilities, and groceries.
If you have children, cohabitating can provide them with a sense of stability and continuity. They can maintain their daily routines and see that their parents are working together, which may alleviate some of the emotional strain. Children are often the most affected by divorce. Ensuring a stable and consistent environment for your children is a top priority for most parents. Cohabitating during this period can be instrumental in providing your children access to both parents, which is crucial for their emotional well-being.
Living under the same roof can also facilitate better communication between you and your spouse, making discussing sensitive matters such as child custody and property division more straightforward. Amid a divorce, communication is fundamental, especially wherever children are involved. Cohabitating can make it easier to have face-to-face discussions about issues that are overall of importance or matters that are time-sensitive, like how to share custody, who gets to keep the family home, how to handle joint finances, and everyday items like who is picking them up from soccer practices and selecting which time slot works best, with both parties schedules in mind, for the upcoming parent teach conference.
With spouses on the road to divorce sharing the same space, it’s often easier to divide household chores and responsibilities. Helping maintain order during an otherwise tumultuous time can be particularly beneficial for the children involved and everyone’s mental and emotional health so long as the discussions surrounding the division of responsibilities are done with respect and calm. Cohabitating allows you to share the responsibilities of running a household, which can be beneficial in terms of maintaining some degree of normalcy during the divorce process. You can create a schedule for chores, childcare, and other tasks to distribute any household burdens fairly.
The Cons of Cohabitation During Divorce
Divorce is emotionally charged, and living with your soon-to-be ex-spouse can intensify the emotional strain, leading to increased conflicts and stress. Living with your ex-spouse can be emotionally draining. The constant reminder of a failed relationship can make it challenging to move forward. Emotional strain can lead to more conflicts, which may hurt both parties.
Cohabitating often translates as limited privacy. Both parties can feel perpetually under scrutiny, which can be uncomfortable– to say the least. A degree of transparency during a divorce can enable items to move along. However, transparency during divorce proceedings is a far cry from feeling cornered about a particular point within those proceedings and having no refuge in your home. It can be an absolute nightmare. Privacy is a precious commodity in any living arrangement. Cohabitating can lead to a lack of personal space and privacy, as both parties share common areas and may feel like they are being observed. The scarcity of personal space can be a source of distress and tension.
Your mental and emotional health should be a priority every day, under any circumstances, but especially supported and nurtured during a divorce as they would during times of transition. The topic goes hand in hand with the above subject of privacy challenges when cohabitating, as it can be trying to set aside time and space to practice self-care when you feel you are being observed or are without the appropriate area. Lastly, when cohabitating with an ex, the atmosphere in the home may not always be conducive to self-care like yoga, relaxing with a facemask while reading a favorite book or watching a comforting movie, meditation, or journaling. Living together can create a turbulent climate, especially when the other party enters the home already upset by an outside stressor or the divorce itself and is resentful, spiteful, or vindictive. Journaling or meditating when the other party tries to engage in argumentative conversations or tossing around discouraging comments can be nearly impossible. It is another con of cohabiting during divorce, but it can come at a considerable cost: your mental-emotional well-being.
It’s challenging to begin the emotional healing process and move on with your life when you live in close quarters with your former partner. Divorce signals the culmination of a significant aspect of your life, and moving on is a vital step of the healing process to eventually get closure and open the door to the next chapter. Cohabitating may make it difficult to move on emotionally, lead to and extend depression, and delay accepting and adapting to your new life.
In some cases, one spouse may use the living situation to manipulate or exert control over the other, making it difficult to negotiate a fair divorce settlement. Cohabitating during a divorce can create a power dynamic where one party may seek to manipulate or control the situation to their advantage. A shift in power and deceptive tactics can lead to unfair negotiations and be detrimental to the divorce proceedings.
Primary Considerations for Cohabitating Couples
Prioritize establishing clear boundaries and ground rules to maintain a sense of personal space and minimize conflicts. If you are going to move forward with cohabitating during a divorce, establishing clear boundaries can help you avoid misunderstandings and disputes.
Tip: Setting ground rules for personal space, responsibilities, and behavior within the shared living space can help maintain a more peaceful cohabitation.
Another critical factor is considering cohabitation as a temporary arrangement during the divorce process, with a plan for separate living arrangements once the divorce is finalized. Have a strategy for the divorce’s conclusion so both parties can quickly establish different living arrangements and move forward with their lives.
What to Avoid When Cohabitating in Divorce and Hiring a Divorce Lawyer
It’s best to bypass confrontational conversations whenever possible when going through a divorce and still living with your spouse, as these can escalate tensions and potentially harm your negotiating points and your reputation in family court. It’s advisable to maintain civil and respectful communication to keep things amicable. Additionally, be cautious about any conversations regarding major financial decisions or transferring assets without consulting your legal counsel. Significant financial moves without proper consideration can complicate the property division process.
If you have children, ensure your cohabitation doesn’t negatively impact them. Be consistent with parenting roles and responsibilities to maintain stability for your children. Avoid disparaging remarks about your spouse before them, which can have enduring emotional consequences. Always appreciate each other’s privacy and establish clear boundaries to prevent misunderstanding. At a minimum, maintain separate living spaces within the shared residence and avoid invading each other’s defined personal space(s). Lastly, consult with a Texas family law attorney who can deliver legal guidance and assist you in navigating the complexities of divorce, especially when cohabitation is involved or considering cohabitating during the divorce timeframe. Contact a trusted and seasoned Houston divorce attorney for a confidential consultation .
Attorney Kevin Hunter at Boudreaux Hunter & Associates, LLC has experience with child custody, spousal support, high conflict divorce, and is fully equipped to guide you through the process. Learn more about Kevin on his profile here.
