713-333-4430How to Cope with Going Back to School: A Co-Parent’s Guide
Back-to-school season can be–no, it is an absolute whirlwind of emotions, challenges, to-do lists, and dates to remember for parents and children. At the same time, most families deal with the usual concerns and new friends, changing routines, and academic expectations. Parents who have shared custody or co-parenting arrangements face a unique set of obstacles. In such situations, consulting a Texas family law attorney can provide valuable guidance on navigating co-parenting agreements during the busy school season. Preparing, communication, and a collaborative approach are the keys to getting through this period smoothly. Reviewing practical strategies will help you cope with the transition and avoid the struggle, especially when shared parenting is involved. A family lawyer in Texas can assist in ensuring that all legal aspects of your shared parenting arrangement are followed, helping to minimize conflicts during this challenging time.
1. Start Planning Early
Back-to-school season has a not-so-lovely tendency to sneak up on us much faster than we realize due to work schedules, summer plans, vacations, and just one of those fun little annual moments of chaos we silently celebrate with our communities and neighbors. But seriously, planning in advance gives you and your co-parent enough time to make adjustments to address potential issues and ensure your child does not have a stressful start to the school year. Here are some critical steps you can take to get started:
- Joint Supply List: Share a list of school supplies, uniforms, and other necessities. Collaboratively decide who will be responsible for purchasing what. If one parent is picking up the supplies, consider splitting the cost by exchanging receipts. This approach not only prevents duplication of purchases but also keeps both parents involved in the process.
- Coordinated Calendar: Invest in either a physical calendar that you can update or a shared digital online calendar like Google Calendar to mark important dates such as school start and end times, vacations, half days, extracurricular events, when parent-teacher conferences are expected to occur, and any other school-related events. If the calendars are accessible to both parents, it simplifies the planning and prevents scheduling conflicts.
- Household Items: To make things easier for your child, ensure that both homes have basic school supplies like paper, pens, pencils, and chargers. However, some items, such as textbooks and workbooks, are best in one location to avoid confusion. If your child brings home a school laptop that is expected to be returned, then those items must be particularly cared for as they cannot be forgotten at one house or the other.
Planning ahead alleviates last-minute chaos, arguments, and disruptions to routines and sets the tone for a more organized and peaceful start to the school year.
2. Open Lines of Communication With Your Co-parent
Effective communication and co-parenting during the school year are vital. From school schedules, homework deadlines, extracurricular activities, school performances, and even picture day requires coordination between both parties. Establishing open and respectful communication channels and boundaries can help manage expectations, reduce misunderstandings, and avoid arguments.
Express Ideas and Listen: It’s vital to your child’s success, and your sanity to approach discussions about your child’s school needs with a collaborative mindset. Share your ideas about improving your child’s routines and encourage your co-parent to do the same. Also, don’t forget that “listening ears” are not just for kids—be sure to stay open-minded and listen to your co-parent’s opinions and take on different subjects and occurrences. Remember, you have the same goal here: your child’s success and well-being. Listening and being open to each other’s suggestions are other essential building blocks of harmonious co-parenting.
Discuss Roles: Agree on who will handle specific school-related responsibilities. For instance, one parent could take the lead when homework is concerned while the other manages school pick-ups and drop-offs. Having a clear vision of tasks will help prevent confusion and foster a sense of teamwork.
Digital Updates: If face-to-face meetings are difficult, use technology to fill in the gaps, such as phone calls, video chats, or even text messages. Text can be helpful for quick updates on assignments, upcoming events, schedule changes, or any immediate concerns. Taking a photo of a homework page or school notice and sending it to the other parent straight away can provide timely information, ensuring everyone stays on the same page.
3. Coordinate with School and Teacher
The beginning of the school year is also an opportunity to establish a clear line of communication with teachers, school staff, and other adults who play a pivotal role in your child’s life, including coaches, tutors, and physicians. Make sure to inform the school about your family circumstances, whether you’re divorced, separated, or co-parenting.
- Update Contact Information: Provide the school with accurate contact details for both parents, including phone numbers and email addresses. Clarify which form of communication you prefer, as some parents may be unable to take phone calls during their working hours.
- Expectations: Let teachers know that both parents should be informed of school events, assignments, and important notices. It’s helpful to mention any specific details, like sending out invitations for parent-teacher conferences or issuing separate permission slips. These types of approaches ensure that both parents are kept in the loop and that the school respects your co-parenting arrangement.
- Unified Support: Reassure teachers and parents that you are committed to your child’s education. Teachers often field parents, leaving all discipline and accountability to them. Let them know that you are there to back them up and enforce school-related expectations at home. A united front sends a solid message to your child about the importance of school and advocating for their triumph.
4. Promote Organizational Skills in Your Child
Helping your child stay organized is critical to a smooth, back-to-school transition, a solid academic journey, and success, especially when traveling between two homes as a young student. One effective strategy is to use a centralized system for their school materials.
- Use a single binder: encourage your child to keep all of their special work in one binder or folder that travels with them between homes. Having a dedicated spot for assignments minimizes the risk of losing crucial materials and paperwork and provides consistency for your child. Your school may already have one designated folder that travels back and forth between school and home containing pertinent information and homework. If your child goes to one home only on the weekends, you might wish to implement a particular folder to contain any weekend assignments or to share already completed work with the other parent. You may need to develop a system that works for both co-parents, but it’s good to have something in place.
- Regular Checks: make it a habit to check the binder when your child leaves for school and when they return home. Routines like this will help your child maintain their organizational skills and prevent issues like forgotten assignments. Additionally, you and your co-parent can use this opportunity to mark or note when you’ve viewed an assignment, avoiding duplicated efforts.
5. Consistency-Driven Discipline and Expectations
Children thrive on consistency, especially when parents live in separate households. Maintaining a uniform set of rules that will be present in both homes can be challenging, but it’s a critical component that will help your child thrive. Further familiar routines will offer a comforting and important sense of stability.
- Creating a Shared Chore Chart: Work with your co-parent to establish an age-appropriate chore chart applicable in both homes. Whether it’s school-related tasks or everyday responsibilities like cleaning their room, having the same expectations across both environments will reduce confusion for your child and build their independence and confidence.
- Unified Rule Making: Establish consistent rules regarding bedtime, screentime, and homework completion. When children know the same rules apply, regardless of whose house they’re at, they are likelier to follow them and not try to steamroll one parent or pit one parent against the other. Discuss these rules with your co-parent and adjust as needed to fit both households.
6. Modern Co-Parenting: Leveraging Tech for Organization and Communication
Technology can be an incredibly useful tool. Your family circumstances create logistical challenges. Apps, online calendars, and school portals help bridge communication gaps while keeping everyone on the same page and providing agency.
- Online school portals: Make sure that both parents are signed up for access to the school’s online portal, where grades, assignments, and other important and relevant information are posted. If possible, both parents should have access and individual logins, allowing them to check on school progress regularly.
- Shared Apps: Smartphone and desktop-accessible apps like Cozi Family Organizer, WeParent, or OurFamilyWizard provide shared communication tools designed explicitly for co-parenting. Use these to update each other on school activities, extracurricular schedules, and other important dates.
7. Share the Financial Burden
Parents with children in public schools might be eagerly awaiting their summer childcare or camp costs to disappear when the back-to-school season approaches. The reality is that those back-to-school expenses can add up quickly. Avoid misunderstandings by openly discussing how and when you will be splitting costs. Split costs create a plan to share expenses, like school supplies, uniforms, extracurricular fees, PTA contributions, etc. Developing and agreeing on a method, whether buying items and then splitting receipts or contributing equally to a predetermined budget, financial cooperation not only relieves stress but also models effective and responsible co-parenting towards your child.
Need Help Navigating Back-to-School Challenges?
If you’re struggling with back-to-school issues or need legal guidance regarding co-parenting arrangements, conservatorship, or mediating custody agreements, consider contacting an experienced Texas family law attorney for a confidential consultation by calling our team at 713-333-4430. A Texas family lawyer can help you navigate the legal complexities of co-parenting and ensure that your child’s best interests are always prioritized. Making sure you and your co-parent start school with a clear understanding of roles, expectations, and equal mindsets will only benefit your child and help pave everyone’s road to success.
Shannon L. Boudreaux is a passionate advocate for her clients, working on their behalf to help them reshape their lives, their families, and their futures. For two decades, she has helped reunite parents with their children and helped clients negotiate contentious custody disputes. Learn more here.
